On the day of my birthday earlier this month, I had the opportunity to have lunch with Peter Thornton who previously worked in his family business (Thorntons Plc) for 30 years, eventually retiring at the age of 54 as Chairman.  Prior to meeting him, I sent him an email saying…

My grandfather ran a utensils retail business with his brothers when in Mombasa (Kenya), and my father ran a menswear retail business with his brothers in London (UK), and I would love to launch a business several years down the road with my own brother.  There’s something very magical about family businesses, and naturally I’m sure they have their own challenges and a unique dynamic (!)

When you have a moment, it would be wonderful to hear what your top three tips for running a family business would be.

Peter then sent me a very thoughtful response to my request.

I thought what he shared would be valuable for my friends who are reading this blog, so asked if he would be happy for me to publish it and if he would give a little more information about himself, his background and his services, in case any of my friends would get value from having a longer conversation with him or engaging his services.  You’ll find some gems very much applicable to marriage too I’m sure…

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Here’s what Peter wrote…

My Top Three Tips for Running a Family Business - before ever starting!

Relationships & Roles

Your suggestion is that this is with your brother only.  Naturally this is far more simple than if there are more relatives involved.  However there is a need for various roles to be covered in the initial team, for more on that see below.

The most successful operations are run by emotionally mature people working in equal partnership.  By ‘equal partnership’ I do not mean that every decision however small or large has to be always taken by all partners mutually but there will be specific areas where each individual has primary responsibility and within which, to understood limits, they can make their own decisions without reference to the other partners.

This paragraph has certain built-in requirements which need to be understood in advance:
‘Emotionally mature people’ - this is of paramount importance, whether in business or in marriage!  The totally emotionally mature person hardly exists most people are immature in some way.  Going into business with your brother has advantages and disadvantages; on the positive side you know him extremely well already, on the negative side you automatically and permanently have an emotional relationship with him.

You need to understand each other’s state of maturity, do you both feel yourselves to be totally independent, adult individuals? have you progressed beyond the childish relationship?  Do you behave like two adults to each other? does either of you have a serious emotional problem, such as the need to be always dominant, or the need to always be right?  Do you entirely trust each other in terms of honesty, intentions and communication in individual, team and family relationships?

A major contributor towards ‘progressing beyond the childish relationship’ will have been to work completely independently of each other in separate organisations doing separate things for a period of time prior working together.  This will establish the individual’s independence, abilities, self-confidence and usable experience to bring to the business relationship.

‘Specific areas where each individual has primary responsibility’ - to run any organisation it is necessary to have specialists in several different roles.  Mike Southern in his Beermat set of books defines them extremely well as: Sales Cornerstone, Technical Cornerstone and Finance Cornerstone.  One or more of these will be the Entrepreneur, most likely the Technical Cornerstone.  The Entrepreneur is essential of course.  The operation can manage without the Finance Cornerstone at least initially because this can be delegated to somebody else part-time.  You therefore need to be certain about each other’s strengths, one needs to be fully capable of being the Sales Cornerstone and the other capable of being the Technical Cornerstone.

The individual running each of these areas will of course have primary responsibility and decision-making powers in those areas.  The overall corporate governance will probably be shared equally between the two of you initially that it will eventually become necessary to decide that one individual will make the final decision in corporate matters having fully sounded out the other’s opinion.  In other words this person will become the CEO.  Whatever happens this role must not be decided on the family hierarchy basis but only on the basis of ability as must every other role.

Future Family Governance Systems.

You need to be fully in agreement in advance of starting the business what your objectives are.  Do you intend always to run this between the two of you and eventually to sell it without involving any more family members or do you intend it to become a family institution for the long-term?

If it is the former it is essential that you do not ever bring in, at a later stage, any other family members because if you do so you will immediately turn it into the latter.

If it is to be the latter then you need to agree with your brother in advance the principle of and some outline rules for the following:

• The Governance Structure for Business and Family.
• CEO Succession
• Agreeing Vision and Strategy
• Rules for Entry of new family members
• Future Share Ownership
• etc.

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As requested, a few paragraphs about Peter himself…

I started work in the family firm of Thorntons Plc (manufacturing retail confectionery business) at the age of 10 working during the holidays until I was old enough to start full-time. I became a director of the company when I was 29 and retired when I was 54 in 1989 as Chairman.

This gave me much valuable experience as a director of a family company where at one time there were six members of the family all working together.  Since that time I have studied the theory and practice of family business thoroughly preparing myself for working with family businesses.

Conflict can become very serious and destructive within a family business and it needs an outsider to relieve it.  I offer my services for this purpose and also for prescribing the stages that follow resolution of the conflict so that systems and procedures can be set up to avoid these problems occurring again in the future.

Please contact me at: peter@thornton-asc.co.uk or by telephone: 01395-548199 or Mobile 07836-212713. www.thornton-asc.co.uk

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Hope you found the above words by Peter useful.  Are you running your own family business at the moment?  What are the highs and lows?  What tips would you offer?  Would these tips translate well into the world of marriage too?

Having just watched the first film directed and produced by Aamir Khan, the recent bollywood hit Taare Zameen Par left the whole family lost for words.

This story is about a young boy with the challenge of dyslexia, who was mis-understood by his parents and teachers, teased by the fellow school kids, and who gradually lost his self-confidence. Catch the trailer here and check out this movie which although is in Hindi, will most likely be showing with English subtitles…

This movie highlighted the lack of support many children get from their parents. Children are so often afraid of just being themselves. They feel that they have to consistently live up to their parents’ expectations of how they should act, the aspirations they should hold, and who they should be.

It also reminded me of the powerful force I’ve had throughout my life - both my parents have stood by me, no matter what, and have supported my gradual progress in life. I’m sure there have been many moments of anxiety for them when they’d be wondering if I’d ever settle down into a “stable job”. Regardless, both mum and dad have been the secure foundation for me to discover myself, and allow me just to be as I am. In fact, I feel blessed that some of my closest friends have also been such a gentle and caring pillar of strength for me to gently tread along the path that continues to be defined for me.

Mum and dad - thank you…

Much love,
Suraj

Dinesh & Shilpa
Dad and Mum
New Years Eve 2002

Flicking through a collection of pics and videos with my dad and brother earlier today, I came across a video of my very own cousin waking us up after a heavy night out drinking in Corfu back in 2002. Check out his terrific rendition of “Wake up, it’s a beautiful morning!”

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/spq-bBBAJio" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Who needs an alarm clock when you have this wiked pop idol knocking your hangover into next week!?

Los Angeles based Hip Hop group Karmacy communicate a dialogue between two brothers.

With a part gujarati conversation, they tell a story about how one brother wants to escape the boredom of Indian life to explore the girls and money of America and become a millionaire. The other brother asks him what’s the need?

How often are we running outside ourselves and to other parts of the world to seek fame, fortune, excitement, love, and acceptance?

On the other hand, why hold back from travelling and exploring?

When we decide to venture out into the wider world, what’s the incentive, and what’s the intention? What are we expecting from the experience and what are our motives behind our actions?

Drawn out from they lyrics of “Blood Brothers” by Karmacy, you’ll find that “nomatter where I go, my soul is in the same place”.

At the beginning of this year, I jetted out to India for a week because my dad’s uncle had suddenly passed away. It was worthwhile spending time with the family out there and being there for my little cousins.

I later found out that two blind people had been given the gift of sight, because my dad’s uncle had his eyes donated.

Although inspired to sign up as an organ donor, I forgot to do it, until a leaflet jumped up at me whilst I was sorting out some paperwork today.

Immediately I visited www.uktransplant.org.uk, and within minutes I was registered to have any of my organs donated when I pass on. Easy peasy! When I’m dead, I won’t be needing my body, so someone else might as well make use of the useful bits.

Did you know that thanks to the miracle of cornea transplantation, more than 2,000 people in the UK have their sight restored every year?

Yet there is still a serious shortage of donated corneas. Will you consider cornea donation when you sign up - and give the gift of sight?

There has been one dominating factor that’s kept me single all these months. My father’s love for my mother has been so strong ever since I’ve known, that I could never imagine them both separating. As my mum’s health declined over the last decade, and as I witnessed mum’s state of health dramatically drop over the past year, I realised that when her spirit heads out into another dimension, dad would be left alone. I imagined that he would be devastated under such a situation, and that for me to avoid any pain myself, it’s best if I do not find someone to share my life with, just in case I lose her. I guessed that detachment meant not sharing my life with someone.

So mum passed away 3 and a half months back, and you know what, dad’s doing ok. Yes he misses her, we all do, but what’s important here is that we’ve all recognised the transient nature of reality. Everything changes, constantly. People come and people go. I no longer need to be looking out for ‘Miss Right’ - the permanent one who will be with me forever. No, I just need to keep an eye out for ‘Miss Right Now’ - the one who I can share my current life experiences with, the one who’s life I can enrich through my unique understanding of the world, and who can enrich my experience through hers.

So where are you, ‘Miss Right Now’? Where are you hiding? Come on out - make yourself known to me. It’s ok, now is all that matters.

My brother Sawan has proposed to Jilna! He took decisive action. She said YES.

Jilna, Sawan and Nanima

Credit goes out to my brother this evening for teaching me about resolve, method, and doing the right thing.

Sawan, Scraping Candle Wax
Off The Laminate Floor
With His Penknife

» Continue reading “Hot Candle Wax On Laminate Flooring”

If you have a younger sibling, you generally know that somewhere beneath the surface, they are incredibly talented. Although you don’t spot their true talent often, you tend to stay alert enough to pick up on it when they DO show it.

Sol Shah & Sawan ‘7′ Shah at Kavit Haria’s
Magnetic Marketing for Musicians Seminar
Saturday 02 December 2006, Strand Palace Hotel

My younger brother Sawan (a.k.a ‘7′) has just uncovered for me his brilliant skill of video editing. » Continue reading “Outstanding Video Filming, Editing and Production”

Today my Kaka (dad’s elder brother Mahendra) and Bhabhu (kaka’s wife Aruna) invited us round for idli sambhar, cake and coffee.

Dinesh | Sawan | Mahendra | Aruna | Arjun | Sol

» Continue reading “Coffee and Cake at Kaka & Bhabhu’s”