Don’t Mess With Old Ladies

An old lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Point of the story…Don’t Mess With Old Ladies

Many thanks to Jilna Haria for sending this through!

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How To Say “No Thanks” If You Get Too Much Junk From Your Friends

Friends want to show that they care. They show that they care by forwarding you a funny story, a virus warning, or a photo that they enjoyed. They show that they care by sending a mass email using the “To:” field and so exposing your email address to a bunch of strangers.

The next time your friend displays less-than-acceptable consideration when emailing you, how about sending them the following response…

Hi there:

Please visit http://thanksno.com/

It’s because I like getting personal messages from you, but don’t want any more email like this, please.

With love,

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Freecycle Your Clutter - Make Some Space!

Spent the whole xmas and run up to the new year in the bathroom…. renovating!

Real quality 12 days with dad, demolishing the bathroom which hadn’t even seen a lick of paint since we moved in 17 years ago, preparing the walls, plumbing and electrics, and soon to have the new bath, sink, and all the accessories fitted in.

For the past few years, as we had a bathroom downstairs, the upstairs bathroom was used as a ‘temporary’ storage solution for all the pieces of furniture we no longer needed in the other rooms or were thinking we may be able to pass on to relatives.

When we had to eventually clear out the bathroom, there were two big pieces of furniture that ended up in my bedroom - temporarily of course! We could have either smashed them apart and taken them to the dump yard, sold them, or given them away. They were quite old, but not antiques, so unlikely that we could have sold the chest of drawers and TV stand. Smashing them and taking them to the dump yard was not a good eco option.

Freecycle

We Freecycle’d it! Sunday afternoon I put up a message stating “Offered: Chest Of 5 Drawers & TV Bench (HA7 Belmont Circle)” and gave details of what I was giving away. Within an hour, I received an email from a dude named George who wanted to collect these off me, to take for his daughter who had just moved into a council flat and could do with some basic furniture. I dropped George a note back to arrange that he could collect them the next day (today, Monday).

How cool is that!? My first ever Freecycle experience, that saved me the effort of demolishing this ‘no-longer-needed’ furniture, the hassle of taking it to the dump yard, lightening my carbon / karmic footprint as the furniture would have been dumped into a landfill, and giving me an opportunity to pass something on to someone who it would be better used by.

Check out www.freecycle.org. You can find your local group there (wherever you are in the world), sign up with the group for free, and post up a message that states what you want to give away and your location. Then if someone takes an interest in it, they’ll get in touch and can collect it from you (i.e. take it off your hands!)

Now to find someone to take a pair walking sticks off my hands!

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Appreciating The Frustration Of Just Being You - Taare Zameen Par - Every Child Is Special

Having just watched the first film directed and produced by Aamir Khan, the recent bollywood hit Taare Zameen Par left the whole family lost for words.

This story is about a young boy with the challenge of dyslexia, who was mis-understood by his parents and teachers, teased by the fellow school kids, and who gradually lost his self-confidence. Catch the trailer here and check out this movie which although is in Hindi, will most likely be showing with English subtitles…

This movie highlighted the lack of support many children get from their parents. Children are so often afraid of just being themselves. They feel that they have to consistently live up to their parents’ expectations of how they should act, the aspirations they should hold, and who they should be.

It also reminded me of the powerful force I’ve had throughout my life - both my parents have stood by me, no matter what, and have supported my gradual progress in life. I’m sure there have been many moments of anxiety for them when they’d be wondering if I’d ever settle down into a “stable job”. Regardless, both mum and dad have been the secure foundation for me to discover myself, and allow me just to be as I am. In fact, I feel blessed that some of my closest friends have also been such a gentle and caring pillar of strength for me to gently tread along the path that continues to be defined for me.

Mum and dad - thank you…

Much love,
Suraj


Dinesh & Shilpa
Dad and Mum
New Years Eve 2002

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How To Break Into Your Suitcase And Close It Up Again

The next time you’re out on vacation and you take a suitcase that has a zipper on it, here’s what to do if you lose the key to the padlock.  All you need is a pen!

Breaking Into A Suitcase

Maybe when they invented zips, they were meant only for doing up the fly on your jeans or to close up your jacket!

What would you suggest is decent vacation baggage as an alternative to carrying a suitcase that has a zipper on it?

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How To Tolerate Your Girlfriend In 3 Easy Steps

Couple Argue

Fact is, there are some things that just bring grief to a relationship.

There’ll be friction. There’ll be heat. You’re different - she’s different.

Sometimes, you’re just gonna have to tolerate the differences.

Sometimes, you’re just gonna have to tolerate: your girlfriend.

Here’s how to tolerate your girlfriend so that your relationship becomes smoother…

Step 1: Attend to the situation you’re currently exposed to.

Step 2: Observe the element in her that you’re finding hard to deal with.

Step 3: Cherish this element in her, COMPLETELY.

By fully attending to the whole situation that has arisen for you both, hone in on that part of her presence that’s brought up this friction within you - hold it in your hand and observe it from all angles - and then learn to cherish this part of her.

You see, it’s not really about tolerance - it’s about loving what’s there, whatever it is, rather than wishing it wasn’t.

Now that you’ve cherished this one element in her, extend the love you’re starting to feel and cherish all of her, head to toe, inside and out. I assure you, it’s worth it.

What are you learning to cherish in YOUR girlfriend? Share your comments below…

There you go - smoother relationships in three easy steps.

Much love,
Sol

p.s. would you like to learn How To TAME Your Girlfriend In 3 Easy Steps?

Couple On Beach

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Liberation Through Restraint: How Limiting Computer Use To 6 Hours Per Week Can Lead To Freedom

This week I am limiting my computer use to 6 hours.  Regardless of whether it is for emails, surfing, blogging, skype chat, social networking, writing articles, or listening to music, I will only use the computer for a maximum of 6 hours this week.

Yes, it is an experiment.  It tests to see what happens to the quality of my work, the depth of my relationships, and my level of vitality.

I expect that by limiting my use of the computer, my method of working would be more reliant on spending enough time working things out in my own mind, and then exploring creative ways to record information and communicate it with those I am collaborating on projects with.  It would also have an impact on my health (more time healthy eating and getting fresh air rather than being stuck in front of a computer), and most certainly enrich my personal and business relationships.

So hey, lets see what happens in a week and how it really impacts my work, my relationships, and my vitality…

For it to be truly effective and to make the most of limited time on the computer, it requires me to batch tasks such as checking and responding to emails, programming in Living Jain quotes, or raising invoices.

If you happen to get an autoresponder message from me when you email me this week, please be patient for my response - after all, the time I have on my computer is limited so that it can make me unlimited!

Much love,
Sol

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How To Tame Your Girlfriend In 3 Easy Steps

Lioness
Creative Commons License photo credit: Arno & Louise

Girlfriends are fun to be around and can also take over your life. It may feel to you that this lioness is trying to change you, control you, and always needs to have the last word.

Here’s how to tame your girlfriend so that you’re never again railroaded by what she does…

Step 1: Welcome the situation that you’re both immersed in.

Step 2: Listen with all your heart to what she is expressing and to your initial inner response.

Step 3: Tame your RESPONSE to what your girlfriend does.

The moment you actually try to tame HER or are a victim of her actions, you’re gonna get knocked out. Keep trying to actually tame HER and you’ll see that it’ll soon be game over.

Instead, listen with all your heart to what she’s saying and tame your RESPONSE to it. Wake up, man! You’re blessed to have this wonderful woman in your life.

Who / what are you taming, and how’s it working out for you?

Much love,
Sol

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Crisis Over Christmas 2003 - Serving London’s Homeless

As Christmas approaches us this year, I look forward to attending Crisis Over Christmas - an opportunity to serve London’s homeless this festive period. Here is an account written at the tail end of 2003 of my first and only experience of serving at a Crisis homeless shelter on 26th December 2003, alongside the Young Jains team…

Fall
Creative Commons License photo credit: Clive Power

Wide-awake at 3am, I knew it was to be a deeply heart-warming day. One thing I can say about a morning shift with a 7:45am start on Boxing Day is that it’s an easy drive down the A5 - never seen Edgware Road so traffic-free!

On arrival at the warehouse in South East London, we headed to the registration desk, were given our name badges and directed over to the volunteers’ area. An entertaining briefing session was concluded with the volunteers dispersing into groups. A shout for 8 people to help out in the kitchen led me to my calling for the morning.

What did kitchen duty consist of for me? Topping, tailing and shredding parsnips for soup, peeling and chopping onions, washing and shredding lettuce, and waste disposal. If you’re reading this and you know my mum, don’t blab it - you KNOW I’ll be expected to do more in the kitchen at home. What was great about kitchen duty for me? We got trained by an ex-professional chef, were offered hot or cold drinks throughout, and had awesome conversations with some students, a physiotherapist from Edinburgh, and a London based paediatrician. As for chopping onions, it must be the first time I’ve cried so much in years - and about time too!

Around midday, I decided to explore other areas of the shelter. As I talked with several of the guests, I found that many of them really did want someone to share their thoughts with. There’s this one guy, we’ll call him Mr L, 6′6″, waiting for his turn in the clothes ticket queue, who had trouble finding shoes that would fit him. Empathising is when you put yourself in someone else’s shoes, and I knew right then how he must have been feeling. I myself have size 15 feet! In the few days that Mr L was at the shelter, he told me he’d transformed his appearance, and donned a groovy haircut. Crisis goes well beyond a simple meal - guests get advice, haircuts, spiritual healing, computer skills, art skills, an abundance of cakes, and much more.

Back in the volunteers’ area, a call came out for outdoor duty. At the front gate, my role was to filter through anyone who arrived. Guests line up to get searched for illegal possessions and guest transport vehicles drop off guests just outside the gate. Certain individuals are banned from Crisis for reasons of bad behaviour or drug dealing, and must not be allowed in. Some of the guests that filter through have an amazingly polite attitude about them, and you know their hearts are being touched when they receive food, shelter and love, without necessarily having to reciprocate.

Whilst on Front Gate Duty, a gentleman who we’ll name Mr G approached me. He’s a Big Issue vendor and was volunteering at Crisis. Mr G greeted me with such warmth, and was surprised to see a young Asian working with the homeless. In his years of selling Big Issue on the streets of London, not a single Asian person had bought a copy from him. When talking with others about this, I found that a common perception is that Asians are tight-fisted - plain and simple. To find out more about Big Issue, I checked out www.bigissue.com and learned that the Big Issue, a news and current affairs magazine, provides opportunities for people facing homelessness to help themselves. Some members of the public choose not to buy this magazine from vendors such as Mr G because they are concerned about how vendors spend their money. The Big Issue believes that all people must take responsibility for themselves, and homeless people have as much right to spend their earnings as they wish as anyone else.

As I was warming up with a hot coffee, a call was made for an internal job of sorting jackets. As we were placing the jackets into the various boxes, we realised just how quickly these jackets will disappear. Much of the clothing was of high quality, and gratefully received by the guests.

In between tasks, the idea was to head into the volunteers’ area, where there were opportunities to mingle with other volunteers, have some food and hot drinks, and wait for a request for the massive variety of jobs that were available to take on such as refereeing a football match. A request came for cigarette rollers - experienced or ready to learn. I was in the latter category and my first ever rolling attempt was impressive, if I may say so myself. The rolling team was challenged to fill up 4 cups worth of rolled cigarettes so that a large number of cigarettes could be distributed out to the guests in each of the 4 main zones. Although I had started rolling quite well, the quality of my cigarettes appeared to decrease fast. Others on the Young Jains team who had never done it before seemed to be naturals!

In the final hour of the shift, some volunteers were needed to clean the guest areas, including sweeping the carpeted floors. Guests sleep on the bare floor with just a blanket covering them, and it’s essential the floors are kept clean. It’s also nice to leave the areas in a better state than they were found for the next shift to take it to a greater level.

Wrapping up now… Following the Young Jains team photo shoot, a Crisis green badge (one of the volunteers who ran the shelter) thanked all “The Jains” for supporting Crisis this year and every year. Those who had no other commitments for the evening then made their way over to Yogi Jis for the traditional YJ post-event social.

Crisis is a national charity that fights homelessness and empowers people to fulfil their potential and transform their lives.

During Christmas, Crisis provides Centres across London for homeless people, offering hot meals and a wide range of essential services.

Dates: 23rd - 30th December 2007
Times: daytime slot, evening slot, night slot
Location: London - specific location will be disclosed by Crisis nearer the time
Advanced Registration:
http://www.crisis.org.uk/page.builder/crisis_open_christmasnew.html
Group on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=5468753268

Event details from the Crisis website…

If you are homeless or living in hostel accommodation, Christmas can be a lonely and depressing time. For the past 35 years, Crisis Open Christmas has helped to alleviate that loneliness, providing Christmas Centres across London from 23 – 30 December that not only offer vital companionship, hot meals and warmth, but a wide range of essential services that homeless people do not normally have access to.

In 2006 over 6500 volunteers gave up their time over the Christmas week to support our work. If you are interested in volunteering at the next COC you can do so in five ways.

General volunteer: This role gives you an opportunity to take part in a variety of tasks which ensure the safe and effective running of the Centre. Tasks such as welcoming guests and serving food, to washing hair and sorting bedding. We need about 85 per cent of volunteers to carry out this role.

Support volunteer: Join the team that makes the COC happen! From logistics and operational roles to driving vehicles, coordinating food deliveries to being a translator, we need key people to help deliver the event.

Services volunteer: Use your specialist skills to help deliver the variety of services we provide our guests – medical professionals, advice practitioners, hairdressers, massage therapists, chefs and many more

Learning & Skills: Help us inspire and entertain our guests. Learning and skills volunteers have a unique opportunity to engage with our guests on a very personal level. Learning and skills covers a wide range of activities.

Set up volunteers: Help get the Centres ready for our guests before the 23 Dec, and put them back to normal after the 30 Dec.

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Diwali - Festival Of Light - Lightbulbs!

Lightbulb

Diwali’s here. Makes you think of light. Inner light, shining bright.

Needed to buy some lightbulbs recently - special ones that you can’t get in your local supermarket.

Scoured the web - came across yourwelcome.co.uk

Highly recommend these guys for all your lightbulb purchases. Here’s why:

Reason #1: speed of delivery

Reason #2: quality of light bulbs at a great price

Reason #3: their caring courtesy email below:

Dear Mr Shah,

Thanks for your recent order which you should now have received.

I just wanted to follow up and make sure that your recent order has been received and everything is in order.

We do try and offer a high level of customer service but we are only human and do occasionally make mistakes - if we do then I want to know about it, both to put it right and to try and stop it happening again.

If you do have any comments or feedback then please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me - support@yourwelcome.co.uk

To view our whole range visit www.yourwelcome.co.uk

Thanks once again for your business.

Kind regards.

Richard Cockayne

How about that for after sales care?

I like these guys - gonna keep going back to them for all my light bulb needs.

Turns out they also do air conditioning systems. Yes, winter’s kicking in now, but when the summer comes, the way climate change is happening, it’s gonna be scorching in London.

Where do you source YOUR inner light from?

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